We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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