she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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