well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
