Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
