I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
