you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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