does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
