i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
