Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
ttyl tear gas
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
