his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
