Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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