It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
