What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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