Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
