ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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