GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
