I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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