ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
