The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
