I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i was born a porn star she said
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
