you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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