have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
