You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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