Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
