Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
