Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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