her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i think i have two assholes
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
