And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
