I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
well you can't waste a boner
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
