I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
