I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
