ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
