oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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