i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
