You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize