I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Define "chronic" masturbator.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Holy sore nipples Batman
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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