It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
