I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
