Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize