Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
