i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
