Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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