He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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