she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They took my balls.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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