My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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