are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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