This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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