We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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