My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
