so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
