you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
