i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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