I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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