Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
