Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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