Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
