His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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