the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
