I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
