there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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