I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
