Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
