I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
