In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
cat food counts as protein by the way
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
