i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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