guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
please come you make the beer taste better
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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