dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
