Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
