you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
