i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize