I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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