Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
