Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
