getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
