guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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