I've blown a few things in my day
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
